Holding On (JA story)
by Eryce
Summary: Obi-Wan and Bant fights for their lives..


8 hours Left: Medical Bays Are the Same

It was generally known that every medical bay in the known universe looked, smelled and sounded the same. The same stark sterile white washed walls, the same odor of drugs, the same cadence of beeps coming from machines. Healers talked in hush tones among the ill, the injured, the dying. Anxious mothers, fathers, siblings, friends looking lost in the hallways, waiting for news of their loved ones. Tears of grief, smiles of relief. The blood, the IV lines. It was the same everywhere. Nothing changes. Not in the medical bay.

This medical bay in the Jedi Temple was no different.

***

"Qui-Gon."

"An-Paj." A tired nod, acknowledging the Healer's presence.

"You look tired, Qui-Gon." Gentle admonishment. "You should get some rest."

"Just tell me, An-Paj." The Master looked up at the Healer for a moment, then returned his gaze to the prone unresponsive figure on the bed. "It's bad, isn't it?"

"Yes." Sky blue eyes closed in sudden grief. Silence ensued, broken only by mechanical beeps.

"How bad?"

"Qui-Gon.."

"Just tell me!" A desperate shout. A clenched fist against the white sheets. A calming breath. "Please… I need to know." A whisper this time. Softer, but the agony did not lessen. The healer sigh and a comforting hand was placed on the Master's shoulder.

"Whomever that did this choose the correct poison. By the time they were rescued out of the pool, it has already seeped into the bloodstream. Luckily, we managed to counter some of the effects with some other drugs but they're no help to the damage to the lungs. The antidote has been found and we have the chemical compounds to make the crystals needed. But it'll take time."

"How long?"

"Eight hours."

"Eight hours????"

"It's an extremely delicate process. The crystals need to be grown properly or it simply won't work."

Beep. Beep. Both adults in the small room watched as the respirator whooshed, forcing much needed oxygen into the boy's lungs.

"There's something you're hiding. Tell me." A command in a voice that shook slightly.

"Qui-Gon, they're both stable but even now, their lungs are failing. It's won't be long before they start to deteriorate fast. I'm… I'm not sure if they're going to last eight hours."

Beep. Beep. Beep. Every beep was a heartbeat. A comforting sound.

One of the Master's hand engulfed the boy's hand into the Master's larger one as the other gently soothed the auburn hair. Held the cold, limp hand against his cheek as a single tear trickled down.

" He'll make it. He has to. He knows I can't lose him. He has to make it."

Yet another tear. And another. All from a pair of pain filled eyes.

"I need him to make it."   


****   
7 Hours Left : The In Between Place

According to the legends of the old, there existed a realm that is in between life and death. The old ones simply called it 'S'hgka', The In Between Place. The souls that wandered there were living in the sense that they still breathed but nothing more. It was a gray place, offering neither the light of life nor the oblivion of death. It was now where a young boy and his best friend could be found.

***

When he awoken, he was sitting on a rock. An island in a deep sea of swirling gray mist. Where? What? How? A million questions with no answers in sight. The last thing he remembered was swimming in the pool with Bant. Bant. Where was Bant?

/Bant?/

/Obi?/

The mist parted like a curtain, enough for him to catch a glimpse of a slight figure on yet another rock, then drawing back to obscure his view again. Too far to touch, yet near enough to talk without shouting.

/I saw you./

/Yes. So did I./

/Where are we?/

One of the many unanswered questions plaguing his mind. Gray tendrils swirled around him, caressing his face. Tried reaching for the Force. Failed. The presence of the Force was there but maddeningly out of reach. He should be frightened. Scared of the uncertainty that loomed large around him. Fearful of the unknown. There were no other living presence that he can detect. No one to provide any answers. No Qui-Gon. That fact alone should have shaken him to the core. Indeed, there was this one moment when he felt a spike of fear. But oddly….as soon as the fear began to tighten its hold on him, the mist wrapped its grayness around him, soothing his mind. His fear instantly forgotten. So soothing. So calm.. almost beckoning….

*FOCUS* With an effort, he pulled his mind back, forcing himself to think. *THINK OBI-WAN* Find a way to get out. Go home.

/Bant?/

/Hmmm?/

She sounded so far away….

/BANT!/

/Obi?/

A little stronger this time. Good. Focus. Just get her to focus.

/Bant, what did you last remember?/

/Umm. We were swimming in the pool and then, can't breathe. That's all I remember./

/Yes. The same here./

Pause.

/Where are we, Obi?/

Good question.

/I don't know./ Forced cheeriness. / At least we're together./

/Yes./

It wasn't much. But being together was a comfort.

Cold comfort indeed.

****   
6 Hours Left : The Confessions of a Jedi Master

Blood.

Its very simplicity is misleading. Its importance cannot be denied. It has started wars, caused death and given life. It flows through our veins, a stark reminder about the fragility of our existence.

The color of our hair, the hue of our eyes, our parentage, all catalogued in an orderly manner in the DNA that makes up who we all are.

Your blood flows in my veins. And thus, I love you. I have to love you.

It binds families together, children inheriting bits and pieces of themselves from parents. Many have died avenging the family blood, many gave their lives for its honor. Blood relations are family, so they say. We must protect our own. Love our own.

And yet for some, when it comes to being family, blood matters not.

*****

**Qui-Gon POV**

They call me the renegade. The one who follows his own path. True enough. I've never been one to follow the rules, rigidity was never my style. It matters not. I answer only to the will of the Force, not to those who think they know all, see all. It has not been easy, taking this life as a maverick. Especially for my Padawans. Many do not agree with my decisions. Many ridicule and talk. If nothing else, it has taught my apprentices control and patience. Me, I can only let the results show for themselves.

My Padawans. S'ya, my first Padawan was a joy to teach. Brilliant and loving, she was almost the perfect student and with her, I found my niche as a teacher, a nurturer, a parent and a friend. The day she was knighted was a mixture of emotions for me. Pride warred with a certain sadness. I was so proud that I had a hand in this, this molding of a young mind into this great Knight and sad to know that she would no longer be big part of my life. I experienced what every parent goes through when their children comes of age and learnt to let go. She had her own wings now, and I had to let her go so that she could soar. And soar she did.

And then came Xanatos. I don't like to think back to that dark depressing period in my life. I don't know if anyone knows how his betrayal wounded me. I loved that boy, I came to think of him as my son, my friend. One that I would entrust my life to safeguard but instead turned around to stab me in the back. I think what made it all worse was I never saw it coming. My pride prevented me from seeing all that I should. I have failed. I failed as a Master, losing my apprentice to the Dark. I struggled with guilt, wondering if there was anything I could have done to prevent this? Did I indulge him too much? Give him enough guidance? But in the end, I knew that the choice was in his hands, not mine. And then I got angry. How could he betray me like that? I loved him, dammit! I gave him so much of myself, as I did S'ya, and this was what I received in return? There would never be another Padawan, I swore. The council disagreed of course, but I was beyond caring. Nothing was worth the pain I had just went through.

I must confess I wallowed in misery after that. I avoided my friends, the temple and went about my own way. Completing mission after mission in order to forget. All the doors to my heart were locked and the key thrown away, not allowing anyone to get close and pushing away those who tried. My Master insisted I visited the temple every year to choose a Padawan and would not take no as an answer. It was easier to just oblige than to argue but every year, I went away without choosing anyone. How could I? I had nothing left to give, only an empty hollow place where my heart used to be. I could have happily gone on with life like this but the Force and a certain green troll had other plans. That was when Obi-Wan came into my life. I fought hard and long against the obvious, make no mistake about that. I fought but every barrier I threw up was battered down. Tenacious little blue eyed imp he was, my Padawan. He impressed me with every action, every decision he made but still I fought. I could only see his anger, his impatience, and was blind to his goodness, his compassion. I hurt him over and over again with my decision but still he hung on, never giving up until that faithful day in Bandomeer.

Even after my acceptance, the road wasn't an easy one. We were both haunted by our own personal demons. He was worming his way into my heart way too fast for my liking. I was still afraid to let him come too close. And he had to deal with his insecurities, in which I have contributed much to. We treaded around each other wearily, both waiting for the axe to fall. He was afraid I would change my mind and I was afraid of trusting again. The shields we erected to protect our fragile hearts prevented the bond from deepening. And then Melida/Daan happened. My fears finally came true. It was like Xanatos all over again. Even after I brought him back and forgave him, there was still this wall between us. Even after the turbo lift incident and I realized how much this young boy meant to me, I could not bring myself to take him back as my apprentice. Not even after he defied the council to follow me to Telos. Again, it took his life to convince me. When I held him in my arms, with his blood everywhere, I came to my senses. And when his heart stopped beating, mine skidded to a halt. The hours I waited outside the infirmary were the longest of my life. When the Healer told me he was going to survive, I felt like I've been reborn. Being his Master means everything to me now. What was a colorless world I inhibited became filled with the kaleidoscope of love. Everything was a miracle now, every sight and sound something to behold. Everyday I find something new to show him, to teach him and he teaches me how to trust and love again. The need to protect him is so fierce within me, it scares me sometimes. I've never been a father but I knew then the emotions. He may not be my own but we are bonded beyond blood. He is family.

It has been a hard life. One without reward, without remorse, without regret.

Yet, I am content. He is a gift to me, reminding me why I do what I do. Sometimes I wonder if he knows how much he has come to mean to me? How he rescued this old bitter man from a life of cold nothingness? How he healed my broken heart and became my salvation? Have I ever told him how his warm smile lights up my day? How much I care? How proud I am of him? I think he does. Somewhere inside, he knows. He has to know.

Obi-Wan. You've been unconscious for two hours now. The Healers say you may never wake up from your slumber or you may die before the next sunrise. I cannot accept that. Can you hear me as you sleep? Can you hear me talking to you? Can you feel me hold your hand? You have to hang on and come back to me. There are so many things I still want to show you, teach you. I want to see you grow up and become a Knight. For you to take on your own Padawan and experience the joy I have found with you. Please, Padawan, I cannot go on without you anymore.

Please stay, Obi-Wan. I know it must be hard but do it for this old man who loves you more than life itself. Please. Just stay so that I can tell you I love you. Stay.

**** 

5 Hours Left : So Easy to Forget

S'hgka. A place to be when one exists in the limbo between life and death. It is neither light nor dark, simple a gray, lonely place. There is an illusion of peace, of warmth, of safety. Many who slipped beyond the fine line of consciousness come here. The strong willed sometimes manage to escape this desolate place, waking up from deep sleep back into the living world. Others leave only by dying. But some.. some are trapped here, endlessly drifting in the void. You see, the S'hgka makes you forget. Memories evaporate like water under the Tatooine sun, the very memories that would help one claw their way back to life. The longer you are here, the more you forget. It takes away all that you are, leaving one feeling nothing, knowing less. Your will. Your identity. Everything will be taken away until one succumbs.

And on the other side, where the living tread, there will be another who will never awaken from their eternal slumber. Another whose body still lives… but without a soul.

**************

Peace. Obi-Wan felt only peace. He felt like he was wrapped up in his favorite blanket, warm and safe. All he wanted to do was to curl up and sleep, to let himself drift away. It was getting harder and harder to remember anything, only that resisting took too much energy. And the mist was so inviting………

Qui-Gon.

The name came unbidden into his mind. Qui-Gon. Who..? Who was this Qui-Gon? The name was tantalizingly familiar but try as he did, he couldn't place it. He knew that name. But who….? Something else came to him. A voice. A much beloved voice.

I would be honored to accept you as my Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

/Qui-Gon is my Master./

Yes. Remember Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan clung to the images of the kindly care-worn face, that familiar smile, those loving midnight eyes, even as they began to disintegrate in his mind, blown away like ashes in the wind. It was a struggle to even think, so much easier to give in to the pull of sleep.

[Rest. Let go and rest.]

/Yes. Resting for a moment wouldn't hurt, would it? Just a second. Just to rest my eyes. Just to rest…../

Qui-Gon.

/Who was he again? I need to remember… must not forget../

[Sleep]

/ Must not… but tired. So tired…./

[Sleep]

/Can't for-/

[Sleep]

Yes.   


****   
4 Hours Left : The Best Friend

Some things, once broken can never be put back together again. There are just no second chances. Sometimes, just by reading the signs, the future is made known to us. But knowledge does not always mean action. The difference in one's life often depends on the use of this knowledge. The foolish will regard all as hopelessness and give up, moaning about the loss. The wise knows that the future is always in motion and try to take back what is rightfully theirs even when failure is inevitable.

Which one are you?

****

They've been drifting apart.

Oh, it wasn't something they noticed at first. He was always away and she was busy with her training back at the temple. He was back in Coruscant only four times in the past 2 years and each time, staying for not more than a month each time, changed a little, both physically and mentally. How could he not? He has seen much in his travels, the tenacity of a civilization, the brutality of war and the darkness of the human soul. A little taller perhaps, a little more mature. When once they shared almost every thought and opinion, his views have been reshaped by experience. It was hard to keep track of those changes, so very hard to adapt, so much so that he appeared a stranger to her every time he returned. What made things worst was that she has changed too. She was growing and he wasn't around. She found herself floundering around him, searching for topics to fill up the awkward gaps in conversations that cropped up more frequently each time. When they finally regain some ground and the relationship started becoming more comfortable again, it was time for him to leave. The time between letters grew longer and the letters themselves grew shorter. And she got used to not having him around.

Oh, they both saw what was happening. They both saw and knew but neither acknowledged it. Denial was easier to deal with. To step up and say that something was wrong would have hurt and neither one wanted to deal with pain when there were so many other constant upheavals in their lives. Better to continue believing in an illusion than to have none at all, easier to pretend that all was well than to admit that the friendship might not survive time and space. They've been each other's anchor for so long that the thought that being set adrift was far more frightening than facing the truth.

And so the distance grew.

It might have gone on for far longer if not for Obi-Wan's familiarity with death. He had been on this planet for peace negotiations when he almost drowned. It wasn't the first time he faced death but it both of them to the core. It was close, very close. They almost couldn't get him to start breathing again. That brush of death was the nudge they both needed in the right direction. He realized he couldn't go on knowing that he might lose his best friend while the depth of fear she felt when she heard the news would stay with her forever. It was true what they say. You don't know what you might lose until it is almost taken away.

When he finally returned to Coruscant, Bant met him at the landing pad, running into his embrace not caring who was watching. His steady heartbeat convinced her that he was very much alive. His strong arms around her reminded what she had almost lost. Her best friend. Her rock. The other part of her soul.

They've been inseparable since, talking, laughing, crying, using the memories they shared to rediscover each other. Remembering the old and accepting the new. He has changed but inside, he was still the same Obi-Wan Kenobi who shared almost twelve years of her life, through the tears and laughter. And she was the same Bant, the same best friend who was a one of the few people he trusted with his very soul. Talking and sharing their fears solved a great many things. They've been together for so long until the Qui-Gon came into his life and suddenly, his whole world revolved around his Master. She had been so happy for him but the tiny seed of uncertainty of her place and importance in his life was sown. And like a weed, it grew watered by the gulf between them. She had her own Master now, Master Mace Windu and it made her understand the bond between Master and Padawan, enough to know her fears were foolish and unfounded. And now, their own bond of friendship was stronger than ever.

****

The day was like any other. Laughing and giggling hysterically over a practical joke Obi-Wan just played on his Master, they went to the pool for their evening swim. He was gesturing wildly, trying to explain exactly how his Master reacted when the he tasted the extra seasoning ingredients, namely salt, that Obi-Wan thoughtfully put in his tea. Looking at him this way, all impish mischievousness in those wide blue eyes, she realized with pang how much she missed his sense of humor. He could always make her laugh. By Gods, she missed him so very much. How could she not? She loved him like only a best friend could, even when he tried using those big blue eyes of his to charm his way around her defenses.

"Bant?" Uh-oh. He had that look on him again.

"Hmmm?" She backed away, giggling. "Don't try anything, Obi!"

"Try what?" All sweet now but that only convinced Bant that he was up to something.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Wide eyes protesting his innocence. She backed up even more, laughing openly now, unaware that she was at the edge of the pool. "You mean… try… THIS?" With that, he pushed her into the pool with a very big splash.

Their swim quickly degenerated into a water fight as the sounds of laughter filled the air. They were the first in the pool even though there were others milling around, getting ready to get into the water. After she dunked him for the third time in a row, he surrendered.

"I give up!" He said smiling widely, panting hard. "Besides, the others are coming into the water now. Better behave ourselves!"

"I win again!" Bant replied in a sing-song voice, grinning.

"No fair. You always win." He grumbled gamely, wiping water off his face. "You have an unfair advantage!"

"You're just jealous 'cause you can't beat me!" Bant replied. "I am the b-"

She stopped as pain exploded in her chest. Suddenly, it became hard to breathe, every single gasp a struggle to get air into her lungs, trying to stay afloat. She could see Obi-Wan clutching his chest, his body spasming, then stilling as his pain-filled eyes fluttered close as he sank into the water. She started to croak his name but then, her own strength faded. She could hear cries of alarm as the pain faded away and the world went dark.

****

/Obi?/

No answer. Obi-Wan was losing the fight, Bant could feel it. She could feel his will ebbing dangerously as his mind began to drift further and further away. And she was in no better position… the memories were hazy now and the voices that called her were so inviting…

[Sleep]

She could feel herself floating now. She knew she was succumbing but there was nothing she could do about it. It was too damn hard to fight……

[Sleep]

/Goodbye, Obi!/ She whispered weakly, even as her memories of the boy began to fade, as she herself was fading. / I love you!/

/Bant?/

A reply came. But it was too late.

**** 

3 Hours Left : Hope and Sacrifice

How much would you give for love?

How much can you give?

How much is too much?

***

"An-Paj? How is he?" The Master asked anxiously while the Healer examined the patient. Fear made him unwilling to release that tiny hand he held, afraid that if he let go, the tiny spark of life that lingered still would slip away beyond his reach.

"His lungs are getting worse." The agony that flared in Qui-Gon's eyes wrenched An-Paj's heart. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, suddenly feeling all of his fifty plus years. There were days when he questioned his calling in the healing arts. To see so much suffering in one so young and being unable to do anything about it….. he wanted to rant at the heavens, throw a chair, even hurt those b*stards that did this. This anger he felt, it was almost like a physical pain that threatened to overwhelm him. He Taking a deep breath, he released the all his feelings into the Force.

/Think. Don't feel. Take control. You won't help anyone if you break down now./

"Qui-Gon." No reply. An-Paj sighed heavily. Right now, he was more worried about the Masters involved than their Padawans. Mace distraught and Qui-Gon, well, An-Paj refused to even contemplate how Qui-Gon would react if Obi-Wan ever…. No, this wasn't the time for pessimism. Obi-Wan will make it. They'll BOTH make it. He sighed deeply again. He has been doing that a lot in these past few hours. He put a hand on Qui-Gon's shoulder, shaking him lightly to get his attention.

"Qui-Gon, listen to me. There's still hope. The children are still fighting in there and as long as they're not giving up, neither are we." A mute nod was the only sign the Master heard him. Those haunted eyes never straying from Obi-Wan's face, searching, searching tirelessly for something… anything…any signs that he might be getting better. Watching Qui-Gon like that, it became too much for this Healer who has seen his share of pain and suffering. An-Paj turned away, trying to regain his composure, his much needed serenity. Death was an enemy he fought everyday in battles he sometimes lost.

There is no death, there is only the Force.

How many times has he used that same phrase to comfort those left behind? Too many. There is no death. Would it comfort the Jedi Master in the next room, standing vigil over a young girl who may never swim again, never to experience her first kiss, never grace the universe with her gentle smile. There is only the Force. Tell that to he who was faced with the loss of a young boy whose intelligence and diligence for knowledge was surpassed only by his capacity to love.

There is no death, there is only the Force.

Somebody tell them. An-Paj cannot.

***

/Bant?/

Silence.

/Bant!!!!/

There was a spike of panic Bant made no reply. Obi-Wan had been on the verge of letting it all go, when he heard …

Goodbye, Obi! I love you…..

That gentle voice weakening even as his best friend said her farewells was enough to jerk him back into a suffocating reality. Almost immediately, the voices started assaulting him. Sleep, they said, pulling him under even as he struggled to reach the surface. Only the thoughts of Bant kept him from giving in. Bant laughing. Bant holding him as he cried. Bant with her gentle silver eyes. To lose her….

/No! I won't lose her! Not to this place…./

Save her he must but to do that, he had to save himself from falling into the same abyss of oblivion. So, Obi-Wan fought. He fought with everything he had, determined to get past the misty curtain that shielded him from really knowing. He wrestled against a faceless bodiless opponent, one who drained his will to live. He fought to remember, to regain back memories that were rightfully his. He would not let himself be lost in this empty void.

Finally, Obi-Wan opened his eyes. And saw the In Between Place for what it truly was.

***

"An-Paj?"

"Yes, Qui-Gon?"

"How's Bant doing?" The Master asked almost hesitantly. It was so easy for him to forget there was another child besides his own that was suffering through the same fate. Another life hanging in the balance. Another victim. And another who was grieving as much as he was.

A long silence ensued before the Healer answered. "She worse off than Obi-Wan. She started slipping about 20 minutes ago. If we can't turn her around soon, she'll be one with the Force within the hour."

"And Mace?"

"He's doing… as well as expected."

Another nod. Qui-Gon didn't need any details about how his friend was doing. He knew the feelings intimately. The fear, the helplessness, the anger. The emotions were swirling in him, sucking him into the vortex of depression that threatened to break him. Only the need to be strong for this small pale figure he loved so much kept him sane. But even that was fading with each passing second.

***

He saw the truth.

He was still in the same gray wind-swept place. Nothing has changed. And yet, everything was different. No longer warm but chillingly cold. Not comforting but grotesque frightening with its dark shadows that devour light. He was no longer enticed by the voices but repulsed by the desperation in their tone. They wanted him but they no longer have a hold on him.

He could look beyond the curtain to see the cold gray tendrils that sucked all warmth and light from the human soul by stealing memories and identities. He could see clearly fathers, mothers, children, friends all succumbing to indifference, losing themselves in this desolate, cold place. And yet, in this bleak place, now that he was no longer blinded, he could easily see the light that was the path back to the land of living. His strength was fading but all he had to do was reach it. Just reach out his hand and he would be back in the safe embrace of his Master….

Bant.

Bant was fading. Literally fading. Obi-Wan could barely see her, her soul merely a thin outline against the grayness. She no longer had the energy to fight, the last of her strength used to say goodbye. The goodbye that pulled Obi-Wan from the same fate. No, he would never leave her here, wandering alone. Never. But, how was he going to save her? Yes, there was a way. Only, it needed him to….. no matter, no sacrifice was too big for Bant. None. Not even himself.

Closing his eyes, he reached inside himself. The battle for Bant's life has begun.   
  


****   
2 Hours Left : A Fair Exchange

*Beep* Beep*

Stroking Obi-Wan's spiky auburn hair with one hand, Qui-Gon let the rhythmic beeping comfort him. The other gently rubbing the skin on the boy's hand, trying to warm it. The motion was entirely for his own peace of mind as Obi-Wan never moved, never responded to his touch. But he had to do something, he had to keep trying to reach the presence in his mind. Even if he kept getting the empty silence. He had to keep trying.

/Hold on, Padawan. Just hold on./

"Qui-Gon? I have a bit of good news for once."

THAT got his full attention, even as he continued stroking his Padawan's hair. Hope surged wildly before he tapered it down.

"Yes?" That was about all he could manage without his voice shaking.

An-Paj gave him a look full with compassion before settling himself into a chair with a satisfied sigh. He wasn't as young as he used to be and his legs were aching after a day of almost non-stop standing.

"The crystals will be ready in 10 minutes." This was accompanied with a big smile.

"But I thought you said it would take 8 hours?" Qui-Gon gasped in surprise.

"Yes well.. suffice to say when the technicians knew what we needed the crystals for…. They gave it their all to try to speed up the process."

Qui-Gon was suddenly overcome with emotion. He was forcibly reminded that it was already past midnight. That would mean almost 7 hours of non-stop work without any rest. To do so much for some Padawan they've never met before… Looking up at the Healer with tears of gratitude in his eyes, he saw only understanding on the other's expression even as he tried to stammer out his thanks.

"The Jedi take care of their own, Qui-Gon. There isn't any need for thanks."

Yes. Qui-Gon gave An-Paj a grateful look before turning his attention back to his fallen apprentice. He gripped the hand in his tightly, smiling for the first time in what seemed like eternity.

/You see, Padawan? Everyone's rooting for you here../

A gentle hand reached out to caress the pallid cheek.

/Just don't disappoint us all. Hang on. Just another 10 minutes. You can do it./

***

Opening his eyes, Obi-Wan knew it was now or never. There wasn't much time left, Bant was rapidly fading and his strength was waning fast. If he did not act now, they would both be lost. Obi-Wan shuddered. If he failed… No, he must have faith. He has to succeed. He HAS to. The very idea of spending eternity in this place…..

Obi-Wan forced that thought out of his mind. This was not the time to dwell on the negative. Taking a deep breath, he reached out ….

/D*mn!/

The Force was there. Around him as always. But for some reason, it danced just beyond his reach. Muttering another curse word, he tried again but the Force slipped through his fingers like water.

No! Failure was not an option. Bant's life depended on him.

/Focus, Obi!/

Using all his energy, he reached out again. Yes. Almost there. Just a little farther. Suddenly, the Force was in his grasp. /I did it!/ For a split second, he could feel the Force flow through him, bringing peace. Then, just as he was going to harness its energy…

PAIN.

***

Qui-Gon could hear the commotion coming from the next room, when Bant was struggling for her life. Reaching out, his senses told him that her living force was fading. Instinctively, his grip on his own Padawan tightened. If Obi-Wan woke up and found his best friend gone….

"The girl?" Qui-Gon asked as An-Paj walked in.

An-Paj shook his head wearily. "It's too late."

"Even with the antidote?" The crystals have been administered almost 30 minutes ago but so far, there was still no change.

"The antidote may have neutralized the poison but her lungs just can't take anymore…." An-Paj sighed again. Losing the children was always the hardest. Like watching innocence die. "Healer Leona's with her now. And Mace." An-Paj looked up worriedly. "He's not taking this well."

An understatement, Qui-Gon knew. Watching your Padawan die… it wasn't something he wanted to experience. Not ever.

/Padawan. Come back to me./

***

It hurt. It really hurt. Taken by surprise, the pain made him release his connection to the Force. Almost immediately, the pain receded, leaving him shaking and heaving.

/I can't do this. I can't!/

But with one look at Bant, he knew he had to. No matter how much it hurts. He would NOT lose Bant because he couldn't stand a little pain. Like suffering the death of a thousand lashes is a little pain, he thought wryly.

/I am a Jedi. I will not be a coward./

Gritting his teeth, he reached out once again. Dear Gods, the pain was agony. He felt like fire was consuming him from within, burning up every single cell of his body. Hurtshurtshurtshurts. Arrgghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

/All right, Obi. Stop whining and get on with it./ He told himself harshly, cataloging his pain and pushing it to a small corner of his mind. /Now!/

/Bant?/

As he expected, there was no answer. But Obi-Wan was not deterred. His goal was to save her and by the Force, save her he would. Giving up was not an option. He reached out to their bond, a bond that was sealed when a certain gentle silver eyed little girl punched a certain red-haired little boy for pulling her pigtails. It was still there, unraveling quickly, its jagged edges barely holding the bond together. Using the force, he grabbed the edges, fusing the threads together using the Force even as the pain threatened to shatter his control.

/Bant? Bant!!! Listen to me! Fight it! You're stronger than this! Fight it!/

/Hmm?/

/Yes! It's Obi! Fight it Bant!/

/Tired…can't remember../

/No! Don't forget. Remember! Don't forget!/

She was still fading, too weak to fight with nothing to hold on to, her memories nearly gone. There was only one thing left to do. But he was tiring fast, his energy reserves nearly gone. Could he do this and still have enough to save himself?

Save her, nothing else matters, his inner voice told him. He could not go on with life knowing he sacrificed another for himself. There was no other way.

/Listen to me, Bant. If you can't remember, let me show you. Let me show you the life you're about to leave behind./

***

"Healer An-Paj! Come quickly! The girl!"

"What is it, Leona?" The Healer sprang to his feet, running through the door to the next room.

"The girl, her vitals are getting better."

"But that's not possible. Her lungs.. they're gone."

" I know but it's like nothing I've seen before. One second she was dying and the next… she's not! I don't understand it."

The Healer examined the young girl in question and then after a long while, raised his face with an awed look on his face. The young one's Master looked at him with an almost pleading expression. An-Paj nodded and Mace Windu broke into a tired smile.

Bant was going to live.

***

Obi-Wan unearthed his mind, digging up every single memory he had of his best friend and played it across the bond. The first time they met. Their first argument. How she taught him to swim. A funny song they loved. Their favorite halo-video. All the good times, and all the bad. He recounted every single moment of laughter and recalled every single tear. He left out nothing.

/Obi?/

Thank the Force, she was getting stronger. He couldn't keep this up much longer. The effort was taking much more than he had. The pain was returning with vengeance now, blazing through him.

/Reach for the light, Bant. Go!/

/I'll t-try../

/H-hurry Bant.. I can't hold on much longer../

He could see her reaching but it wasn't enough. She was too weak. So was he. Force, he was tired. All he wanted to do was to curl up and rest.

/I can't reach it, Obi. I'm sorry./ He could see tears of regret in her eyes. /You shouldn't have stayed to save me. Now, we're both not going to make it. I'm sorry./

No! He swore he would save her. And he would keep his promise. He may not have enough energy to save them both but he had enough to save HER. Momentary regret and sorrow pierced his soul when he thought of his Master. Qui-Gon would be devastated, he knew. *I'm sorry, Master. I must do this. I can't let her be trapped here.* His mind made up, he started sending what was left of his strength to the girl that shared his soul.

/Obi! No! Don't!/ Wild panic as she realized what he was about to do.

/Tell my Master that I love him./ He whispered one last time, letting it echo through the bond before pushing her towards the light with all his might with the Force. Yes. She was safe. She was going to make it.

Peace came over him even as fatigue pulled him under He has done it. Yes. That would have to be enough. Tired. So tired now. He could offer no resistance, he had no strength left to fight. He stopped struggling, letting the darkness swallow him whole. Tired….

***

Just then, in Obi-Wan's room, the machines started screaming.

***   
1 Hour Left : The Awakening

**An-Paj's POV**

Obi-Wan Kenobi went into cardiac arrest at approximately 1.06 am. His heart stopped beating and for 1.78 minutes we worked feverishly to bring him back to life.

/Clear!/

The line on the heart monitor remained flat. No, I'm not going to lose this one.

/Again! Clear!/

Nothing. Have you ever tried resuscitating a child? You never want to stop.

/Dammit, Obi-Wan. You're not going to die on my watch! Clear!/

His body jerked again. It was almost painful to watch the young body arching as the electricity flowed through his body. No heartbeat.

/Again! Cle-/

/An-Paj, wait! Look../

I stared at the heart monitor for what seemed like eternity, willing the straight line to reshape itself to peaks that signified life. Then I heard it.

*Beep* Beep*

A rhythm. We've got a rhythm.

***

**Qui-Gon's POV**

I remembered nothing during those 1.78 minutes. Nothing. When it was all over, the Healers told me my control just snapped. But I don't remember. I don't remember throwing myself at my Padawan with cries of denial. Neither do I remember being held back to allow the Healers to work. They said I struggled like a madman and that it took 3 men to restrain me. Apparently, I even punched one of them in the eye, trying to escape their clutches to get back to my Obi-Wan. Strangely, I cannot recall any of that. No memory remained of that 1.78 minutes of my life and I could even be persuaded to believe that the whole thing never happened. Except… except that I do remember one thing. That one sound that will forever haunt my nightmares for years to come. The cry that began when my Padawan's heart stilled only to be replaced by gentle beeping when he was snatched back from the jaws of death.

*We've got a rhythm.*

I only became aware of my surroundings after hearing those words. Four simple words. These four words saved my sanity, hauling me from the brink of madness, of despair, back to reality. A reality where Obi-Wan is still breathing, still ALIVE . As my senses slowly awaken, I realized that I was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, my chest heaving. The taste of salt lingered in my mouth, a mixture of sweat and…. tears. Tears. I had cried during those long forgotten moments and I was crying still. Great big sobs wrecked my body as I gasped for air.

*We've got a rhythm.*

I wanted the tears to stop. I wanted to get up and reach for my Padawan. To hold him, to touch him… to feel his heartbeat against my cheek. To convince myself that he hasn't left me. But I was afraid. So very afraid that if I moved even an inch, this bubble would shatter.

*We've got a rhythm.*

It might have been an illusion, something that my mind had made up to shield from the fact that Death had indeed taken away my light in life. That if I touched that still figure, I would only find an empty husk. That I was alone. And so I stayed on the floor, frozen in fear and uncertainty. I was aware that the Healers were staring at me, this pathetic lump of a Jedi Master who could do nothing but cry.

How long this went on, I cannot say. I lost all track of time until a hand gently brushed against my cheek, wiping away the tears. It was Leona. She gave me an understanding smile and then whispered in my ear.

"It's not a dream, Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan's still here with us."

That was all I needed to hear.

***

**An-Paj's POV**

Qui-Gon has always been the strong one. Speaking his mind, defying the council, he never held back, no matter what the consequences. His courage was legendary. I've seen this man face enemies with the odds against him without blinking, without fear. Watched him wrestle with demons that plagued his soul and somehow still managing to keep the Dark Side at bay. The ultimate tower of strength, he seems invincible, almost omnipotent. I know better but even I believe that nothing can ever break him.

But the sight of my friend, on the floor, crying like a child… no longer caring about the loss of dignity … reminded me that he was only human. One that can feel sorrow and pain. One that can only take so much. He no longer looked like the Jedi Master I know so well, his hair all undone with streaks of tears lining his face. He looked a mess. He looked old. He looked like a grieving father.

But his son was no longer dead. And yet, he did not move. I could see the naked fear in his eyes, wondering if Obi-Wan's heartbeat reverberating around room was yet another calm before the storm. I can understand the feeling. Everything feels vaguely unreal. Surreal. Like a long bad nightmare.

***.

**Qui-Gon's POV**

He's alive.

My sense of touch told me this was no dream. The warm breath on my fingers. The pulse of life by his neck.

He's alive.

My ears heard the drum of his heart. Machines singing the song of life. A beautiful symphony.

He's alive.

Looking at the gentle rise of his chest, I knew…

My Padawan lives.

***

**An-Paj's POV**

I see him go through the motions. Touching, feeling, allowing his senses to convince him of the truth. It was almost heartbreaking, watching him. I could hear Leona crying. But when Qui-Gon gently lowered his head on his Padawan's chest to listen for a heartbeat, it was I who could not hold back the tears.

***

Qui-Gon's POV

"Qui-Gon."

I turned at the sound of my name. Mace Windu stood by the doorway, Bant held in his arms. Her salmon colored skin looked pale and a small oxygen mask covered half of her face. With her eyes closed, she looked younger than her 13 years, clinging to her Master like that.

"Mace." I returned the greeting. There was an unspoken question hanging in the air. Why did he bring Bant here? She was hardly well, just recovering from the effects of the poison. Selfish of me perhaps, but I don't really want to see her. I guess deep inside, I blamed her for surviving while Obi-Wan still struggled. She was just another stark reminder that my own Padawan was …….

"She insisted, old friend." Mace answered while carefully settling down on a chair next to Obi-Wan's bed, making sure that his Padawan was comfortable. His obvious protectiveness of her made my heart ache. Would I ever be given a chance to hold Obi-Wan like the way he is holding Bant now? "She threw a fit as soon as she regained consciousness, wanting to be with Obi-Wan and wouldn't take no as an answer." Mace's gaze lingered fondly on her face before shifting to look at my Obi-Wan. "How is he?" Softly. Almost afraid to hear the answer.

"Coma." I turned away from the compassion in his eyes. I don't need any pity, not now. I had more than enough of that from the Healers when they told me that although Obi-Wan lives still, he may never awaken from his slumber. There was always another hurdle.

"Master Jinn?" The small weak voice drew me to the bundle in Mace's arms. Those silver eyes were open now, filled with sorrow and guilt, begging for my forgiveness. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, little one." Even as I said it, I realized that it was true. It wasn't. I wiped some of the tears away from her cheeks. So much like Obi-Wan, this young one. So young, so vulnerable and yet strong.

"No, it's my fault!" She clutched my hand, sobbing harder now. "He.. he.. could have made it. He could have! But he saved me instead. I'm so s-s-orrryy…"

"Shhhhhh…" With her Master's permission, I took her into my embrace, rocking her gently while she sobbed. Oh, Obi-Wan. My brave Obi-Wan. So typical of him. Giving up his own life to save others whom he loved. I could feel my own eyes watering. My brave brave Padawan. "Bant…" I gently tipped her chin so that she would look straight into mine. "Obi-Wan makes his own choices, little one. It was his decision and his alone. It was his gift to you and you should feel no guilt. Obi-Wan would not have wanted that."

"You're not angry?" I hugged her tighter, hearing the uncertainty in her voice.

I shook my head. No, I wasn't angry. Just proud. Proud that Obi-Wan was…. Obi-Wan. She looked at me steadily for a long while before climbing onto her best friend's best. Holding his hand, she drank in his features, as if committing them to memory.

"Well, I'm angry." Her next words took both Mace and I by surprise. Her silver eyes were flashing now, anger clearly outlined on her face. "You hear me, Obi-Wan? I'm angry at you. How dare you do this? Give up living for me? I never asked for this, I never asked you to be so damn self-sacrificing. Are you listening to me, Obi?"

She looked at his features almost desperately, willing him to answer her. If he heard, Obi-Wan made no sign.

"Idiot! You're an idiot! Do you remember what were your last words? You told me to tell Master Jinn that you loved him. Remember that? Well, I'm not going to! You hear me? Because you can damn well wake up and tell him yourself. You better come back to me, Obi, so that I can beat the crap out of you."

Tears are rolling down her cheeks earnestly now but she paid no heed to them. Laying her head next to his, she continued her tirade.

"Don't you dare die, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Don't you even dare. Don't you leave me living with all the guilt. Did you think I'd thank you for this? For this noble gesture? Am I supposed to weep at your funeral while thanking the Force for giving me such a wonderful friend?" She hissed at him, all the while holding his hand in a death grip. "Think again, boy. If you die, I won't cry at your funeral. I refuse to waste my tears for someone so stupid, you hear me? I won't! I won't!"

She buried her face into the crook of his neck, her small body shaking wildly.

"I won't…"

***

**Mace's POV**

We finally moved an extra bed into Obi-Wan's room for Bant. She wouldn't leave the Kenobi boy, no matter how much I ordered, threatened or coaxed. Stubborn little Padawan. A trait, I'm told, she shared with young Obi-Wan. Besides, she looked at me with those huge eyes. How could I refuse? She only agreed to sleep after she made us both promise to wake her if the boy should regain consciousness. Even now, in the land of dreams, she's holding his hand tightly, unwilling to let go.

The whole temple is in uproar. This incident has shook the Jedi Order down to its core. Two of our Padawans, poisoned, right here inside the sanctuary right under our own noses. Emotions are running high and someone must pay. No, the Jedi seek no vengeance but someone must pay. I wanted to hunt down the perpetrators myself but Yoda forbade me. My place was with my Padawan, he said and told me explicitly to stay. As always, I obeyed. Perhaps it was wise of him, because if I had been the one to catch those men……

Yes, the ones responsible were caught. Questions could finally be answered. But the answers gave me no comfort. A terrorist group from Yals, trying to intimidate the Senate, decided to attack the Jedi. It was a show of power. By succeeding, the message would have been clear. Give in or not even the Jedi can save you. The ones we caught showed no remorse, no guilt. It was all just a game to them. Just another battle in the war for supremacy. Sacrifice the innocent for a larger gain. It mattered not that the ones caught in the crossfire were children. The ends justified the means. I felt no hate for those men, merely pity. How could I when they have such empty souls? They know only the evil that darkness brings and living in such darkness without light would be punishment enough.

Young Kenobi saved Bant's life. Of that I have no doubt. She was whole physically but …. I'm afraid. Afraid of what might happen if he ever lost the fight for life. Afraid for my Padawan. Would she be able to live with her guilt? If he died, her own soul would go along with him. I don't want to lose her again. And Qui-Gon….

Please Obi-Wan. Wake up. For all our sakes. Just wake up.

***

**Qui-Gon's POV**

In a month's time, my Padawan will turn 15. We have a little tradition that started when he celebrated his fourteenth birthday. It all started when I prepared his favorite meal as a treat. No mean feat when we were handling negotiations in the middle of a desert. It was a little overcooked but the look on my Padawan's face was worth all the sweating over an open campfire. He returned the favor around 6 months later when he surprised me in our quarters with a slightly burnt version of my favorite cake, wearing at least half of the flour on his body.

My Padawan is a boy of many talents but baking was not one of them. The cake flopped to one side and was singed beyond repair at the sides. It tasted vaguely like soap and was hard enough to break teeth.

Obi-Wan hates cooking with a passion, avoiding even the simplest task of boiling water. But he overcame his aversion to the kitchen to make me a cake. Later, I found out he secretly took lessons from the cooks everyday after kata practice, nearly destroying the dining kitchens in the process.

Thus, you must forgive me if I found the cake to be the best I've ever eaten. Because it was made from the best ingredient of all….love.

***

"Obi-Wan. Come back to us."

/I'm so proud of you, my Padawan. So very proud./

"Did you listen to what Bant had to say? You made her so very angry at you. Come back and fix that."

/Why won't you wake up?/

"She's sleeping now but her dreams won't give her peace. She's so scared you're going to leave her. Come back and show her she's wrong."

/I'm afraid too./

"Everyone's still so worried about you. Master Yoda came by just a while ago to see how you were doing."

/Love you, I do./

"An-Paj's going to have something to say if you don't wake up, little one. He hasn't rested even a little since you came in here and you wouldn't want to waste all his efforts now, would you?"

/Don't leave me, please don't leave me./

"Your birthday is coming up next month, Padawan. Remember? No, I'm not giving your another rock this time. You'll have to wake up to find out what it is."

No response. The still figure on the bed gave no indication that he heard.

Undaunted, the Qui-Gon went on. "Remember our mission to C'ta? That cake and ice-cream that you liked so much? I was planning to make that cake for you… I finally got the recipe from the ambassador's wife…. The cake is pretty simple but the ice-cream… I don't know.. It would be h-hard to find some of the ingredients… I –I.."

/Force, I can't do this anymore!/

"You can't do this to me, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon whispered into his Padawan's ear. "First you barge into my life, demanding that I take you as my Padawan. Then, you wouldn't leave me alone until I do. Now you want to let it all go? Not a chance. I'm not letting you go so easily. I've never told you how mucn you mean to me, have I? I've always believed that actions meant more than words. B-but… would you please give me a chance to say those words to you? If only you'd wake up, I'll tell you everyday that I love you. Just give me another chance…."

Qui-Gon bowed his head and buried them in his arms. There was nothing more left to say. It was all up to Obi-Wan now.

Seconds passed. Minutes ticked away. Still there was nothing. Qui-Gon's heart bled a little more. The air in the room grew suffocating. Qui-Gon felt like he was going to go mad. Too much. It was just too much. He needed to get away from there. Away from the white walls. Away from the machines. Away from the smell. From the specter of death.

/I need to get out of here/ He thought wildly. /I need to-/

Wait. What was that he heard? A voice?

/Mas-mas../

Qui-Gon's head snapped up.

"Obi-Wan?"

Eyelashes fluttered and then those beloved green eyes were focusing on him, trying to say something. Fighting against the respirator down his throat, calming only when Qui-Gon laid a gentle hand against his cheek.

"Shh.. don't struggle. I'll get the Healers to get it out."

/D-don't leave me../ Tiny fingers gripped his own.

"I'm not going anywhere…" Joy was bursting from his heart, lighting up his soul, burning away the chill that has settled there. "An-Paj!!!"

/Y-yes, M-mast.../

/Obi-Wan../ That little corner of his mind was no longer cold and empty. The void was no longer there. The warmth that was Obi-Wan has returned.

/D-don't.. don't../

/What is it, young one?/ All was right with the world now.

/D-don't f-forget…/

/Forget what?/

/D-don't forget the i-ice c-cream…./

***

Epilogue

This was definitely not his day. First, he had to wake up with a tube down his throat. Then, Bant had to go and….

***

"Obi? You're awake?" His best friend's face suddenly appeared inches away from his own.

"Bant?"

"Yes.. you feeling okay?" A gentle hand brushed his arm.

"Yes, Bant." Couldn't people stop asking him that question?

"Nothing hurts anywhere?" Almost anxiously.

"No, Bant."

"Good. Then, I can do this.."

*Slap*

"Ow! What was that for?"

"That was for scaring me out of my life." Her eyes were gleaming like newly sharpened knives. "And this…" He cowered back as she moved a little closer to him…

/Eeep. Master, save me!/

/Oh no. It's not my place to come between best friends…./ *snicker*

".. and this.." Bant pulled him into a tight embrace, then planted a kiss on his cheeks. "..this.. is for being the best friend a girl can ever ask for. Thank you for saving my life."

/Phew!/

"You're welcome, Bant."

/Knew she wouldn't hurt me./ Grinning smugly until she socked him in the arm. /Oof!/

"Bant!!!!"

"Just don't ever do that again!"

/I couldn't have said it better myself, Padawan./

***

"But I don't want to take another nap! I want to go home!"

Qui-Gon looked fondly at the young man pouting at him. It was certainly good to have things back to normal.

"Now, Padawan. You know what An-Paj said. One more night here for observation and then, you can come home."

"I'm feeling fine, NOW! All I do here is sleep anyway. Why can't I do that back in my room?"

"Enough, Padawan. You'll be back tomorrow."

"But, Master…" The boy's voice has taken a definite whining quality.

"Padawan…" The Master raised an eyebrow. "Sleep. Now."

Uh –uh. Qui-Gon was using that tone of voice which must be obeyed. Grumbling a little, Obi-Wan obediently snuggled under the covers.

"It isn't all that bad, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon pulled his Padawan into his arms and planted a loving kiss on the top of Obi-Wan's head. "You'll be able to convince the Healers you're okay and it'll certainly put my worries to rest."

"You're just afraid of what the Healers might do to you the next time you end up here," Obi-Wan sulked, his voice muffled as he buried his face against Qui-Gon's tunic.

/That too./ Qui-Gon couldn't help smiling against Obi-Wan's hair. How he loved this boy in his arms. If only he could tell him that…

"Obi-Wan?"

"Hmm… yes, Master?" The boy sounded sleepy and contented.

"I-I.. I mean.. you.. No, what I mean is.. I.." Sigh. Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Master, Master Diplomat…. defeated by 3 simple words. He took a deep breath. He would tell the boy. Obi-Wan deserved to know.

"Master?" Puzzled tone.

"I just wanted to tell you that you've been the best apprentice I could ever ask for. Ever. And I know I've never shown it much but I'm so proud of you." Qui-Gon babbled on. Sith, just 3 little words. Was it so hard to say? "And .. and.."

"Master." Qui-Gon screeched to a halt and looked enquiringly at his apprentice. "I know. You don't have to say it. You show me everyday." Suddenly, there was this lump in his throat. He knows?

"Obi-Wan?" He caught a glimpse of bright eyes filled with emotion that took his breath away before Obi-Wan snuggled even closer. Automatically, his arms tightened around his Padawan, savoring the feel of the warm body against his. The boy's next words just took his breath away.

"I love you too."

Qui-Gon smiled, fighting back the tears. Some things are better spoken without words.

THE END


End file.
